Wait. WAIT?

I have had such a heavy heart.
A heart burdened by something that we have lost.


I cannot, by experience, say that I helped keep it.
I lost it too.
In a whirlwind of confusion.
A web of lies.
Deception.


The forbidden fruit.  "Just try it.  You will know everything there is to know about sex.  God just doesn't want you to enjoy it.  He's keeping knowledge away from you.  You will be so wise once you have it."

Somewhere we lost how sacred marriage is.  It is now some fly-by-night dating scenario that once tired of it, divorce is the break-up.  


The broken child.  
Mixed families.
More confusion.
It's complicated.


I am not, at all, saying that the blessings of failure I would want time to erase.  I am not saying that my past experiences have no place in the present.  In fact, it is only by those past experiences that my heart is heavy today - burdened by a God who loves his children (everybody in the entire world) and a desire for a pure heart.


From the perspective of the high school student - because I was once one.  I was probably one of the most confused and stubborn students I have ever known.  Even though I believed in God I did not understand his love or desire for my life.  Instead I saw the world for what it was - having sex!  


Sex.
The rite of passage.
A coming of age.
Something amazing.
Something that could lead to pregnancy.
Or even an unwanted marriage.


WHAT?
Yes, folks.  
That's what I thought about.


You see, my knowledge contained other people's experiences.  Either you are willing to share your experience or others will.  I had my parent's story and I had my friends parent's stories.  I also had what I learned at my CCD class in the catholic church.  I had friends who had sex.  My sister had my nephew out of wedlock when she was 21 (I was a freshman).  


I am a logical person.  I worry little about emotion and worry very much about logic.  Those who know me well know that I am not a crier.  It is very rare that you will see me cry.  The most I cried was when my sister died...and that was still menial compared to the average woman.  To me, crying is illogical (no I'm not Vulcan).  Tears never brought anyone back from the dead.


Using my logic as a high school student this is what I decided...


1.  My parents story of getting pregnant in the backseat of my father's car, subsequently getting married, having my sister, followed by another sister, losing my brother and finally having me - all the while having a very poor relationship (even though they are still married to this day) told me that I did NOT want to get pregnant by the guy that I lost my virginity to.

Solution:  Birth control.


2.  My friend's parents story of dating her high school sweet heart, getting pregnant and getting married.  Not only was he not very good in bed, he was a lousy husband.  She, at 21 was divorced with a 3 year old.  Her advice was to try a few of them out "test drive" so that you know what you are getting into.  Then you can marry that man.

Solution:  Don't get attached to high school sweet heart.  Try a few out.  Don't settle.  See which one "fits" - and again, BIRTH CONTROL.


3.  Catholic Church taught me that sex is a sin unless you are married.  They teach to not use birth control but rather abstain from sex.  Sin = Hell.  If you do get pregnant you cannot have an abortion.  Abortion is bad.  Really bad.  Abortion is murder.

Solution:  Abortion is way worse than pregnancy.  My parents had sex and God didn't punish them.  Catholic families have lots of kids and that is pretty crazy - not to mention some other things that I don't really believe that the Catholics do.  Birth control.  


4.  My sister got pregnant and the father left her to raise her son alone.  He broke her heart.

Solution: Birth control.


5.  My friends told me that sex was great!  Everyone I knew was doing it.  It's not looked upon like it used to be.  Guys have sex and we don't call them whores - why can't girls have sex too?  Be careful though - and use a condom.  Condoms keep you safe.

Solution:  Use condoms.




Maybe you look at all these thoughts of a high school and say - you were different.  Maybe you see these thoughts and they were your own thoughts.  Maybe you see these thoughts as common sense.


As far as the world is concerned - it is!
If you are going to have sex, be safe.
Safe sex.
Be monogamous.


As a high school with such great logic stupidity I believed all the lies and deception that I thought was very logical at the time.  I decided to just get rid of my virginity all together.  Get on the pill so that I can be sure not to get pregnant so that  my periods are more regular and less painful.  Pick someone who does not even KNOW I'm still a virgin...such a dirty word...have sex and be done with it.  


They will never know.
I will not be in love with them.
I will use a condom and be extra safe.
I will not get pregnant.
I can move on with my life.
Drown the moment in some alcohol.

I do not know how I did not learn how my Father is a loving Father.  How did I not know that he had a plan for my life?  A plan so detailed that I could not begin to fathom it? 






My dream, deep within my heart forever, was to get married and have children.  To love a man with all that I am.  I didn't plan my wedding like most teenagers but I knew what I wanted, but I also knew from my logic that I had to be careful to not fall for the first guy and to make sure he was the RIGHT ONE.  


Why did I not understand that God already had him chosen FOR ME?


My husband and I talk about the what-if's.  I say, what if we had both waited for each other through God's promise, do you think we still would have met and marry?  Or did we have to do all those bad things to get to HERE?  His reply, which I do believe is true, is that God would have put us together.  


There would have been less collateral damage.
Less insecurities.
Less alcohol & drug abuse.
One less child.
One less child in heaven.
Fewer uncomfortable situations with friends.
A better sex life.


I would never ask God to take away the blessings that occurred through our poor actions.  I love each of my children with my entire heart.  But our actions did affect the heart of our children, and the pain that comes through a broken home.


Why do we not want our children to be whole?
Why do we not want to reach our children about God?
Why do we not want to teach them about why we should wait?
Why are we unwilling to expose the REAL ISSUES?


My desire for my kids to have that fully trusting relationship with God is not to keep them from getting into trouble.  Yes, it will help them for their future - but my concern is for their heart and trusting their heavenly Father.  I might not be around forever, but He will be.  He has the ultimate plan.  

Marriage is such a great and amazing thing.  As much as I wanted to get married and as much as I loved or loved being in love with my husband the day we did it - that love has only matured and grown stronger.  Never have I known a love like this.  To say that he is my best-friend is an understatement.  We love to spend time with one another and we are fully committed to a lifetime of each other.  I want my children to have a marriage blessed like us!  God healed all our hurts and pains, and healed our family of it's brokenness but as a parent I want my children to not have to suffer like this.


I am rambling.
I am sorry for that.


I just don't understand telling my kids to just be safe.
I can't.
I can't tell them that.


I have to tell them the BIG picture.
God's picture.
I can't just tell them to abstain either.
There is more to the story.


Our kids are going to form logical motives based on what they hear.  They are going to hear what the world hears: what you say, what their friends say, what their friend's parents say.  


Are you willing to share with others your pain?  
Your sorrow?  
Your story?


The importance of showing your children DAILY what God has done for you is the greatest gift you can give them. God is not only in the BIG THINGS but he's in the small things too.  He is in all the details. 


He is real.  
He is alive.  
He is here.  
He loves us.  
He cares for us. 
He sustains us. 
He has a plan for us.  
He wants us to trust him.  
He wants us to ask for it.  
He wants us to wait for HIS ANSWER.

I had a really weird dream the other night.  In my dream I had to wait to have sex for seven years.  I believe that I was a widow in my dream...because that's the only way it really made any sense.  SEVEN YEARS?  I am not an every day kinda woman.  I am more of a once a week kinda girl.  My husband reminds me every three days that's what he needs.  He thinks I could wait a lifetime.  In my dream though - I cried out to the Lord, "Father, seven years?  That's FOREVER!"


And by all means, it does seem like forever.
But would I be willing to do that for the Lord?
Would it be hard?
Is it better to know how long?
Or just to be busy serving the Lord until the time comes?


For this, I applaud those Christians who are waiting for God to bring them the right one...for those who do not believe that virginity is a dirty word but rather God's gift to the man (or woman) he created for YOU!  I am excited that more and more Christians are encouraging one another in prayer and a commitment to serve until the day comes that you will walk down that aisle.


Oh to be truly given over from your Father to your spouse.
Beautiful.
Amazing.
Totally worth 7 years.
Or 70 years!


I believe it is imperative to EMPOWER my children.
For them to know their TRUE VALUE -
through a loving Father's eyes.


I believe it is important to ENCOURAGE my children.
So that they can trust their Father -
to meet their needs.


I believe that these decisions will not only affect ME
but will affect my GRANDCHILDREN and my GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN.


http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home/50917790-76/relationship-sex-byu-busby.html.csp

THOUGHTS?

OPINIONS?