Me & the Family

Me & the Family

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A haircut.

Once upon a time there was a dog names Duke. His hair was getting so long and matted that his mommy decided she would cut his hair.  The first time was a big ordeal trying to use the clippers.  This time she decided to use teeny-weeny scissors.

And now the Duke looks like...


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Am I really Brittany Spears?

Note:  I do wear underwear.

My fellow blogger friend, Stephanie, just wrote the following blog Revisiting High School and my comment about it made my head start spinning.

Thus a blog needed to be written.

I moved BACK to Northern Virginia the summer before my freshman year in high school.  It was a different county then I lived in before, and I was coming from WV.  West Virginia was a five year stint due to my father working for the government.  I was angry after leaving the boy that I was SURE would one day be my husband.

Teenagers are so dumb.
I should know. 
I have one.

Any ways...

I met my best friend Shannon the first day of school.  Shannon had a great self esteem and would talk to any one.  I, on the other hand, was very quiet.  Shannon would speak to anyone in any group: cheerleaders, football players and nerds alike.

Over the next three years of high school she dated some of these football players and for the most part I stayed in the background.  I did not realize my own beauty: internally or externally.  My junior year we started to hang out with a bunch of people that I guessyou could say were popular?  They were more of the party crowd and not the cheerleader/football player crowd.

Does that even make sense?

The quiet me was able to tap into a more confident, beer chugging kinda-girl.

Does this mean that I became a Paris Hilton?
Or even worse...

a Brittany Spears or Lindsay Lohan?


Oh please.  
Tell me NO!

Even though I was there...flirting, laughing at vulgar jokes...I was NOT there farting and burping. I had a friend who did/does that.



As oddly as it sounds, even when I was a drinking fool trying to keep up with all of my guy friends they would still look at me and say, "You are the one who will be barefoot and pregnant."  

What kind of signals was I sending out?
At the age of 17?  

I did end up getting married at 20.  Had two kids right away.

But who was I?

Brittany Spears was a good-girl gone party girl.  Paris Hilton was a stuck-up girl.  Lindsay Lohan was the girl with the completely screwed up childhood. 


Is it possible that Audrey Hepburn could have had a party girl side to her?  And still be Audrey?  Or does that make me one of THOSE girls?

And after I question which one I WAS...and come to the realization that I'm closer to a Brittany Spears...

Which one were you?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A day at the park.

You all know that I have dogs.  Or at least MOST of you know that I have two dogs.  I have a poodle named Bear that can barely be called a dog AND I have a goldendoodle (golden retriever & poodle) named Duke.

Duke is 1-1/2 years old.
Approximately 70lbs.


Bear is 7 years old.
Approximately 10lbs.
All original parts.


The above picture was taken at the doggy park.  We found the doggy park the other day and decided that it would be good for both of them to go there.  The big dogs are separated from the little dogs so that there is a "safe" environment for all.

It makes sense.

Bear, who could be renamed Sir Humpsalot, was disturbed when a jack russell terrier began to hump him.  He was like, "wtf?!!!"  I switched sides to check on Duke, noticing that Bear followed me to the fence to watch us.  

Duke would not approach the other dogs.  In fact, he would not do any thing.  I tried to get him to play with his ball and he could not do it.  I tried to get him to say hello to the other dogs and he wouldn't.  If another dog approached he would hide behind my legs.

My husband was getting irritated.
It was my fault that I created a gay dog.

We had my son try to get him in the mix with the other dogs...



Nothing was working...

And then the hubby said to bring Bear in.  Now as you can tell from the pictures, Bear is REALLY little.  The dogs that were in there were HUGE: chows, golden retrievers, rottweilers, german shepards, siberian get the drift.  There were no midget poodles running around.

Except for ours.

When Bear came through the gate it was as if he had finally been put in the right area!  He began to have a lively step and held his head up high!

And Duke!

Duke ran up to Bear and was his sidekick for a good 10 minutes.  Then they split up and Duke began to interact with the other dogs.

And then we realized that Bear thinks he's a big dog and Duke thinks he's a little dog.  Short and scrawny Bear is the alpha male dog in our home.  Apparently little balls are greater then no balls.

In the following video Duke made sure he was out of Bear's way in case he bullied him.  Bear is a bit of a bully.  Apparently he has short man syndrome.

But those that know Duke would agree...
he's a sweetheart.
Even if he pee's on you!



Any funny pet stories????

Friday, February 12, 2010

My life FLASHED before my eyes!


It's hard to believe that today I turned 43.  It seems like just yesterday my oldest was turning 13 years old.  It is not one of the monumental birthdays like 40 was, but it is a reminder of the past decade.

A decade.

I find it amazing at how many things can be shoved into a small space of time.  I am sure that my kids would say I am old for saying that.  To them a decade seems like an eternity.

I have seen and experienced a lot.

Tears are not as easily hidden any more from my life.  After experiencing a loss so close to home my perspective has completely altered.  Not a day goes by that I do not think about my sister.  My niece and nephew are doing well and in a few short weeks I'm going to be a great-aunt!  That thought alone rocks my world, knowing that my sister would be a grandma.


My kids.  

When I look back over the past ten years they have truly come a long way...and so have I.  I remember back then I was just trying to not beat them over the head with a frying pan.  They tested my patience on every level possible.  Countless conversations I had with my sisters at how stupid they became when they turned 12, and their constant reminders that it would last for a good four years.

They were right, of course.

They did grow out of it.  I now have a 21, 22 & 23 year old kids.  They do not like me to refer to them as kids, but they are.  Maria, my oldest, just graduated from college and is going back to finish up veterinary school.  Tony will be finishing up this year.  It will not be long and these kids will be getting married.

It is still hard to believe, looking at them, that I was married with two kids by the time I was their age.

Tommy finished up his degree nearly three years ago.  It seemed like a forever endeavor but he has been enjoying his family counseling ever since.  With his new partner he is also able to concentrate on his medical school classes and credits.  Won't be long and he'll be Dr. Tommy.

He can be my Doctor any day! 


That has been one of many nice things though that has happened over the past few years.  We get to just be married people in our own home.  No doors slamming.  No arguing.  Not that we do not miss our kids, but it sure is nice to experience what most couples experience their first few years.  

We get to be selfish!


These are the years I have waited for.

We get these little sneaks in between the jobs that we love.  It took a lot of work to get Divine Cuisine off the ground.  I thoroughly enjoyed the catering aspect for a time, but I am glad that all of my attention has moved to By The Pound.  Being on Food Network was like a dream come true, even if my pound cakes were in the spot light for only 15 minutes!  My pound cakes are STILL being shipped all over the USA!

If you haven't tried one you better call today and place your order!

I can't forget Duke.  
Remember Duke the Moose?


He's an old man now.  
He's 12 years old!  
My baby Goldendoodle.

Can someone PLEASE stop the stop-watch!!!


I am so glad that even though the years have past all of you blogging buddies are still here, wishing me a happy birthday!  I hold you all near and dear to my heart.

Well, I hate to be in a rush.  

They just opened the door.  I am glad I was able to ponder all this time before I did it!

Tommy just left so I gotta hurry up!  Here I go!!!!!!


Video blog next week!!!!

Much Love,


Stephanie gave me the You're Going Places, Baby award:

The rules with this award are:

1. Post where you would like to be in 10 years.

2. Pass it on to 10 other special Bloggers!

Jerri's Blog

Macenson Blog

Single Parent Dad

Unfortunately I am pretty new to if you want to do it...GO FOR IT!  Post your link below!  :)

Insecurities and God.

Most of those that are reading this have not read my blog on MySpace.  Therefore I need to give you a bit of information.

Two years ago this week we recieved a phone call from a man stating he was the grandfather of a little girl...whom he believed was my husband's daughter.  We were emailed a picture...and the rest is history.

We met Maria the end of April 08 and she has lived with us since that June.  She is my oldest daughter and is turning 13 in a few short weeks.

It was a crazy time and one that God led us through practically flawlessly.  I thought I would post an old blog.  This blog was written just a few days after we found out and met with Maria's grandparents.  At the time we weren't telling anyone what was going on, other then our family...

But I had to find a way to express my feelings without spilling the beans.  It was such an emotional rollercoaster and a rollercoaster that has finally settled.  This roller coaster...allowed me to begin writing about how I "feel" about things and opening up to writing and just opening up.




Insecurities are so STUPID!

I have not thought about being insecure or having insecurities for a VERY VERY VERY long time.  In fact, it is an emotion that I deemed as stupid and weak.  I am not big on EMOTIONS and believe that everyone else should be that way too. 

Maybe it's the German in me...who knows.   Then again, the German in me wouldn't be telling you all about how I "feel."  The German in me would just drink a beer and move on!

So I now have this emotion that I am working through.  It's funny because it's making me angry to have this emotion...this feeling. defines insecurity as the following:
1: not confident or sure : uncertain 
2: not adequately guarded or sustained : unsafe 
3: not firmly fastened or fixed : shaky 
4 a: not highly stable or well-adjusted b: deficient in assurance: beset by fear and anxiety  

I guess you could say that sums me up pretty good.  I am very uncertain what the future holds for me.  Because of my uncertainty...I feel shaky and unsafe.  All these feelings drum up one emotion that I DISPISE...


I would have to say that in many respects, I'm the biggest chicken that I know...possibly that ever lived.  Fear is the one thing that I face day in and day out.  I have learned to deal with my fear and anxiety through lots and lots of prayer.  I have learned to be able to talk to total strangers and not be overcome with fear.  

I know it sounds stupid...but it is what it is.  
Fear of rejection, fear of disappointing, fear of failing

So as I come to the changes that I have before me I am wrought with insecurity and fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of not knowing everything.  
Fear that what I want is not what I'm going to get.  
And then I have to sit here and ask this how I am supposed to be?  I mean, how does one function when they are sitting in the corner shaking with a million thoughts going through their head because of fear???  Fear is not very fact; it stops production and action all together!  

Did you know that the word FEAR is in the Bible a whole bunch???  Well, I typed it into it came up 330 times.  It ranged from Genesis to Revelations.  It went from fearing God, the fish fearing humans, and having no fear. 

The biggest verse that jumped out at me was...

That pretty much sums up where I need to be at right now.  Even though I have fear from the uncertainty of the future...I can be freed from them if I just let go.  

He knows the plan.

Knowing that He is in control and that He has the's so much easier to let go and continue with life.  I can only accomplish one day at a time.  And you know what?  My life is going to change and it's going to be different, but every day is different...and I'm okay with that.  God will never leave me, never forsake me...and He is always there listening to my heart.

I could not ask for anything else.  

As my friend Krista told me last night...

I have a wonderful husband who loves me, two beautiful children that we share a home, friends, family and a God who has unconditional love for us...and we keep our paths straight to Him.

What do I have to fear????

So with that...I am released to go about my day and accomplish what needs to be accomplished.  I will continue to pray about my future...but not have FEAR over my future.  It is all in God's hands and I'm sure His plan is MUCH BETTER than mine!

<>< Jane

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Love, Romance or BOTH? You tell me!

Originally posted:  02/15/09

Love, romance, or both?

I remember when I was in high school and I never had a boyfriend when Valentine’s Day came around.  Of course I wanted to have the romance and all the things that the other girls seemed to have around that time.


Dreamy eyes.


Finally came my senior year in high school and I had a boyfriend.  I had been dating him for a few months.  He moved the day before Valentine’s Day.  He moved across the United States to Texas.

Are you kidding me?

I couldn’t win for loosing.

I remember when I thought it was all about candy, little love notes and candle lit dinners.  Not to say that these things aren’t great.
So long as they are from the right person...

I realized after I met my husband that things were a bit different then I perceived they should be.  The first thing that I learned was that my husband’s idea of romance was different then what mine was.

He didn’t write poetry.

He didn’t write me love letters.

He didn’t like sensual music playing in the background.

He didn’t need a bunch of candles lit to “set the mood.”

At first this made me very sad.  I would go out of my way to create this grand and spectacular evening for the two of us (remember we were 20 and I was either pregnant or had a new born) and he would sit down at the table and say...”I can’t see my food.” And turn the lights on.

I would be crushed.

The moment was gone.

I was still young and immature.  I often wonder when I watch people get married now, or see pregnant women, or little babies ~ how different would it be for me if I had my kids NOW as opposed to back then.  How different would I feel?

I know the answer to this question...and it makes me sad that I didn’t feel the same way back then.
These thoughts and emotions that are stirred have changed my view of romance over the years.  My husband and I have been married nearly 12 years.  We have been through many trials over the years.

But we continue on.
We forge ahead.

My husband has a view of Valentine’s Day.


He believes that everyday should be an expression of love. As parents of three “tweens” this becomes more and more difficult.  

These are the things that I find romantic...

1.  When my husband comes up behind me while I’m cooking dinner.  He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.

2.  When my husband held our children as babies...and even now.  His eyes light up and his smile is contagious.  That is something so intimate that we share and when I see melts my heart.

3.  The day we were married.  Although it’s now in a blur of memories ~ as I watched my brother and sister-in-law get married it brought those memories flooding back.  What an amazingly romantic moment.

 4.  Praying together.  It doesn’t happen very often alone but when we do and we’re all done...there is something so pure and clean and romantic about it.  That we can be that intimate on a whole other level.  Through our faith.

5.  There are few times, far between these days, that we can just be us.  Whether it’s goofing off at the mall or going out to dinner ~ when we are laughing and’s so colorful and exciting! 

6.  An unexpected dinner date.

7.  When my husband and I have a true night in bed.  No rush.  No knocking doors or kids screaming.  In that moment the world melts away and it’s just he and I.  Caressing fingers over flesh and soft kisses and knowing that this man loves me.  That he’d do anything for me.  That he loves every part of me.

8.  The warm tingly feeling I have when he puts his hand on my leg and pats it gently while we’re driving.  Even in that moment I can tune out the kids fighting in the backseat and just look into his eyes and smile.

He loves me.

For me this is true and pure romance.  99% of the romance comes from knowing that the man that I am experiencing life and these moments with, he loves me no-matter-what.  He sees through the wrinkles and laugh lines and sees me...clearly. He loves me unconditionally.  

For me there can be no romance without LOVE.  The love is what makes the whole thing romantic!

Keep the jewelry.

Keep the flowers.

Keep the cards.
What I want is the everyday love of my partner.

My lover.

My companion.

My friend.



Apparently today is the day to remember what you are thankful for.  I have had two friends mention it so it's time to truly sit down and think about it.  

What am I thankful for?

I am thankful for waking up this morning.


I am thankful for my three children, two of which just celebrated their birthdays.  The shock of finding out about Maria has worn off and she is completely mine.  Even though the teenage years are insane, I am thankful that we have made it to them.


I am thankful for a wonderful husband who loves me.  I am thankful for the job that he has so he can provide for me and my family.


I am thankful for another day to spend with my sister.  It is hard only seeing her every few months, but I have my phone and I have my computer.  Every day she must battle to be here and I am so proud of her, for keeping up the fight!


I am thankful for the neighbors that I have.  Never in a million years could I have thought I would be so blessed with loving neighbors that I consider more like family.


I am thankful for my family: in-laws, out-laws and everyone in between.  This includes all my friends: young and old.  You have all touched my life in so many ways.


I am thankful for the men and women who serve our country to protect us and our freedom.  I also am thankful to the families that live and breathe that sacrifice with them: wives, parents, children and friends.  We are a country that takes freedom for granted.  We have food, clean water, houses, a bed and all of this is normal here.  If we do not protect it, we will not have it.  BUT, I also believe it it our job to help those that do not have these things.


I am thankful for having a forgiving God that loves me despite my flaws.  I am thankful that he has given me another day on this planet to love my children.  It is to you, God, that I give all my thanksgiving and praise. For without you, or your son, I would not have any thing to be thankful for.




What are YOU thankful for????



Monday, February 8, 2010


I can trust you and you trust me Pictures, Images and Photos

It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were on vacation.  My parents owned a week timeshare in Ocean City, MD and every year we tried to go there for a little relaxation.  It wasn't the Marriott but it was our slice of heaven.  The cold temperatures outside never could keep me out of the hot tub, in made it seem that much warmer.

My husband and I were sitting in the hot tub and he was kissing on my neck.  As I closed my eyes at what I'm sure he felt was a response, inside I was pleading with God.  "Father, please help me to fall in love with my husband again.  Help me to make him feel that I love him."  

It is a sobering moment when you realize you have fallen out of love with someone that you adore.  I had been married less than three years and our 2nd child was around 6 months old.  I always blamed my feelings on postpartum depression and a fear that it was only a matter of time that he'd find himself someone new.  

Good things don't last



As we all know, trust is the basis for any relationship we have in life.  If we do not trust someone it is obvious that the relationship will not grow.  

In fact, it will crumble.

I am currently going to a marriage class.  It is actually supposed to be a class that my husband and I are both taking, but due to the new job and an insane amount of hours, it is one that only I am participating in.  

His Needs/Her Needs

If you are married and willing to go to this class with your spouse you should. I speak very highly of it.  I have watched over the past several weeks as some relationships that were on the brink of divorce completely shift.  Those marriages that were already good are getting even better.  Who doesn't want a better marriage?

If you want more information about the class, let me know!

Any ways, even though I am pretty much on my own in this 8-week class I am learning a lot about myself.  Considering that I have put myself on the back burner for the past 13 years this is a good thing.  I went from a 20 year old living at home to a married woman with 2 kids, a dog and a husband to take care of.  I worked over 40 hours a week in an attempt to keep the bills paid.

I am just now remembering who Jane is.
Somewhere beneath all the responsibility
and layers of titles:


There is a woman within.

A large part of what I learned last week was about trust.  It is an aspect that I never realized was such an issue in me.  You see, we were young.  My husband was also 20 years old at the time.  We were supposed to have fun for a good 5 years before we started having kids.  Little did we know we would conceive on our wedding night.  

I had to instantly grow up.  

My husband was still a kid.  Still hanging out with his buddies playing video games.  Neither of us had a degree but I had a really good job with a really good company.  He, on the other hand, did not.  He went from job to job: lifeguard, Blockbuster, Subway...  Although he always worked he never stayed anywhere long enough to be moved up the ladder.  Not all of it was his fault, he had some serious brick walls along the way.

Along the way I lost hope and trust in my husband to provide for his family.  I was extremely frustrated and decided that I should just realize that I would be the main provider forever and to deal with it.

Suck it up.
Put your big girl panties on.

Big girl panties Pictures, Images and Photos

It was at that point that I started deducted money from my love bank.  You see, the class talks about each of us having a love bank. When my husband tells me I'm beautiful or does something that pleases me... *cha-ching* money goes in the love bank.  On the other hand when my husband does something that heknows irritates me, money comes out.

I now realize that when I fell out of love was when my bank had been depleted.  All that money from the dating months was gone.  I was sick and tired of working, getting kids from daycare, doing all the laundry, making all the dinner.  I had had enough!  

And so...
I fell out of love.

I believe it was while we were in that hot tub that it dawned on me that he never did anything "wrong" to me.  In fact, he was showing me right then and there just how much he loved me.  

My hubby absolutely HATES hot tubs.

He was there, with my PARENTS, to spend time with me. Telling me that he loved me.  Adoring me.  In the end all of those fears of him finding another hot piece of ass were just non-sense.  He loved me completely.

My lack of faith in my husband and lack of trust led me to that place.  I was able to pray myself into love again with him again and I made a promise to myself to never let that happen again.  I have not forgotten that moment and I let that be a lesson learned only once.  


Over the past several weeks, since leaving my job, I have completely given the responsibility of providing for our family over to him.  I feel bad, as he comes home from work exhausted.  I know that it is a serious burden.  Even though he has been pulling his weight financially for years I never gave up that one thought:

"I would be the main provider forever and to deal with it."

This class, though I did not expect it to, has really opened my eyes to the feelings that I harbored.  That thought is now history.  He is the provider.  He is the man. I should never have stripped him of that title.  He never even realized that I had.  

Now that it is gone...

I truly see my Prince Charming walking into the door every night after work.  I always love him but I feel so much more adoration for the man that I never expected to feel.

trust,1 corinthians

trust him.
To take care of me.
Provide for me.
Love me.

It is a true and intricate part of love.
One that I had been missing all these years.

I also learned something about a being a woman.  It is okay to be taken care of.  It does not show weakness.  

"We had met as equals, rarely a good thing in such matters, for the woman who wishes to be the equal of a man usually turns out to be less than a man and less than a woman.  A woman is herself, which is something altogether different than a man." 
~Louis L'Amour

Isn't it funny that so far down the road my mindset can change?  The way that I even look at my husband could change? 


Do you have any hidden trust issues with someone that you love?

Do you think that these issues could destroy your relationship?

How is YOUR love bank doing?