Me & the Family

Me & the Family

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Love, Romance or BOTH? You tell me!

Originally posted:  02/15/09

Love, romance, or both?

I remember when I was in high school and I never had a boyfriend when Valentine’s Day came around.  Of course I wanted to have the romance and all the things that the other girls seemed to have around that time.


Dreamy eyes.


Finally came my senior year in high school and I had a boyfriend.  I had been dating him for a few months.  He moved the day before Valentine’s Day.  He moved across the United States to Texas.

Are you kidding me?

I couldn’t win for loosing.

I remember when I thought it was all about candy, little love notes and candle lit dinners.  Not to say that these things aren’t great.
So long as they are from the right person...

I realized after I met my husband that things were a bit different then I perceived they should be.  The first thing that I learned was that my husband’s idea of romance was different then what mine was.

He didn’t write poetry.

He didn’t write me love letters.

He didn’t like sensual music playing in the background.

He didn’t need a bunch of candles lit to “set the mood.”

At first this made me very sad.  I would go out of my way to create this grand and spectacular evening for the two of us (remember we were 20 and I was either pregnant or had a new born) and he would sit down at the table and say...”I can’t see my food.” And turn the lights on.

I would be crushed.

The moment was gone.

I was still young and immature.  I often wonder when I watch people get married now, or see pregnant women, or little babies ~ how different would it be for me if I had my kids NOW as opposed to back then.  How different would I feel?

I know the answer to this question...and it makes me sad that I didn’t feel the same way back then.
These thoughts and emotions that are stirred have changed my view of romance over the years.  My husband and I have been married nearly 12 years.  We have been through many trials over the years.

But we continue on.
We forge ahead.

My husband has a view of Valentine’s Day.


He believes that everyday should be an expression of love. As parents of three “tweens” this becomes more and more difficult.  

These are the things that I find romantic...

1.  When my husband comes up behind me while I’m cooking dinner.  He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.

2.  When my husband held our children as babies...and even now.  His eyes light up and his smile is contagious.  That is something so intimate that we share and when I see melts my heart.

3.  The day we were married.  Although it’s now in a blur of memories ~ as I watched my brother and sister-in-law get married it brought those memories flooding back.  What an amazingly romantic moment.

 4.  Praying together.  It doesn’t happen very often alone but when we do and we’re all done...there is something so pure and clean and romantic about it.  That we can be that intimate on a whole other level.  Through our faith.

5.  There are few times, far between these days, that we can just be us.  Whether it’s goofing off at the mall or going out to dinner ~ when we are laughing and’s so colorful and exciting! 

6.  An unexpected dinner date.

7.  When my husband and I have a true night in bed.  No rush.  No knocking doors or kids screaming.  In that moment the world melts away and it’s just he and I.  Caressing fingers over flesh and soft kisses and knowing that this man loves me.  That he’d do anything for me.  That he loves every part of me.

8.  The warm tingly feeling I have when he puts his hand on my leg and pats it gently while we’re driving.  Even in that moment I can tune out the kids fighting in the backseat and just look into his eyes and smile.

He loves me.

For me this is true and pure romance.  99% of the romance comes from knowing that the man that I am experiencing life and these moments with, he loves me no-matter-what.  He sees through the wrinkles and laugh lines and sees me...clearly. He loves me unconditionally.  

For me there can be no romance without LOVE.  The love is what makes the whole thing romantic!

Keep the jewelry.

Keep the flowers.

Keep the cards.
What I want is the everyday love of my partner.

My lover.

My companion.

My friend.

1 comment:

Stephanie Faris said...

First of all, I have an award for you on my blog today. I have so much to say to this blog I wanted to say that first so I didn't forget!

In writing, we often study the difference between alpha and beta males. It's complicated, but your husband sounds like an alpha male. A man's man. I've found the other type -- the type who is all poetry and love letters -- is usually not as appealing for a variety of reasons. They're emotional and moody in a way a woman is...and it's just much better when a woman's woman is with a man's man, as sexist as that sounds.

You learn, over the years, to see romance for what it is. Everyone shows love in different ways and often the alpha male was raised not to express his feelings through words and poetry...but through actions. Through putting in a new rack for you in the closet so you'll have more space or taking care of the kids so you can have a night off. Those sorts of things. They do it through really focusing on work because it's important to them to really provide for their families... It's hard for us to see that as love...but that's how they were raised.