Love, Romance or BOTH? You tell me!

Originally posted:  02/15/09

Love, romance, or both?


I remember when I was in high school and I never had a boyfriend when Valentine’s Day came around.  Of course I wanted to have the romance and all the things that the other girls seemed to have around that time.


Flowers.


Dreamy eyes.


Love.


Finally came my senior year in high school and I had a boyfriend.  I had been dating him for a few months.  He moved the day before Valentine’s Day.  He moved across the United States to Texas.

Are you kidding me?


I couldn’t win for loosing.
    
Romance.  


I remember when I thought it was all about candy, little love notes and candle lit dinners.  Not to say that these things aren’t great.
  
So long as they are from the right person...


I realized after I met my husband that things were a bit different then I perceived they should be.  The first thing that I learned was that my husband’s idea of romance was different then what mine was.


He didn’t write poetry.


He didn’t write me love letters.


He didn’t like sensual music playing in the background.


He didn’t need a bunch of candles lit to “set the mood.”


At first this made me very sad.  I would go out of my way to create this grand and spectacular evening for the two of us (remember we were 20 and I was either pregnant or had a new born) and he would sit down at the table and say...”I can’t see my food.” And turn the lights on.


I would be crushed.


The moment was gone.


I was still young and immature.  I often wonder when I watch people get married now, or see pregnant women, or little babies ~ how different would it be for me if I had my kids NOW as opposed to back then.  How different would I feel?


I know the answer to this question...and it makes me sad that I didn’t feel the same way back then.
  
These thoughts and emotions that are stirred have changed my view of romance over the years.  My husband and I have been married nearly 12 years.  We have been through many trials over the years.


But we continue on.
  
We forge ahead.


My husband has a view of Valentine’s Day.

 

He believes that everyday should be an expression of love. As parents of three “tweens” this becomes more and more difficult.  

These are the things that I find romantic...

1.  When my husband comes up behind me while I’m cooking dinner.  He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.

2.  When my husband held our children as babies...and even now.  His eyes light up and his smile is contagious.  That is something so intimate that we share and when I see it...it melts my heart.

3.  The day we were married.  Although it’s now in a blur of memories ~ as I watched my brother and sister-in-law get married it brought those memories flooding back.  What an amazingly romantic moment.

 4.  Praying together.  It doesn’t happen very often alone but when we do and we’re all done...there is something so pure and clean and romantic about it.  That we can be that intimate on a whole other level.  Through our faith.

5.  There are few times, far between these days, that we can just be us.  Whether it’s goofing off at the mall or going out to dinner ~ when we are laughing and flirting...it’s so colorful and exciting! 

6.  An unexpected dinner date.

7.  When my husband and I have a true night in bed.  No rush.  No knocking doors or kids screaming.  In that moment the world melts away and it’s just he and I.  Caressing fingers over flesh and soft kisses and knowing that this man loves me.  That he’d do anything for me.  That he loves every part of me.

8.  The warm tingly feeling I have when he puts his hand on my leg and pats it gently while we’re driving.  Even in that moment I can tune out the kids fighting in the backseat and just look into his eyes and smile.

He loves me.

For me this is true and pure romance.  99% of the romance comes from knowing that the man that I am experiencing life and these moments with, he loves me no-matter-what.  He sees through the wrinkles and laugh lines and sees me...clearly. He loves me unconditionally.  

For me there can be no romance without LOVE.  The love is what makes the whole thing romantic!

Keep the jewelry.

Keep the flowers.

Keep the cards.
What I want is the everyday love of my partner.

My lover.

My companion.

My friend.

And then there were 2.

I may or may not have enlightened you guys with our Christmas.  I feel as though I may have left a few minor details out.

One of which was a Christmas present.

We bought the kids mice.

I have to tell you that I do NOT buy anything that requires me to clean a cage, kennel, aquarium, litter box, etc.  I have dogs which means I can open my door and they run outside to do their dirty work.  They can also be walked around the neighborhood and do it there as well.  I do not like creatures that poop on you when you hold them.

Just not my cup of tea.

When Christmas came around I thought..."The kids do really want oneand I always say no.  They don't cost very much so it would be a really cool present."  I told the hubby and we decided to go for it.  The stipulation was that I was not going to touch them or their living arrangements.  The hubby was the main go-to guy for all thingsmouse.

Three mice: white, tan & gray.

The white one we gave to Sarah because it was the largest of them all and we knew that if anyone where to be too rough with their creature that it would be her.  The smallest (gray) was given to our son, Tony, for he has always shown the most responsibility and care for things.  Maria got the tan guy.

Originally these little guys were parked into their hamster palace in the hallway.  Unfortunately, the salesman was correct in telling us that mice are THE SMELLIEST of all rodents.  I, the person who lacks the ability to smell things...would GAG every time I passed the hall.  It did not matter if the cage was cleaned yesterday...it just smelledthat bad.

Last week I moved the mice into the kids bathroom.  I then proceeded to turn on the fan and shut the door.  The door had to remain SHUT at all times so that the entire house would not stink.

Once it warmed up they were moved outside.

A few days ago I witnessed Maria and Sarah jumping on the trampoline with their mice.  The mice were on the trampoline while they jumped.  I actually thought to myself...that might be a quick fix to the smelly problem.  

Yesterday while I was making dinner Maria and Tony were jumping on the trampoline.  Sarah, who is currently grounded, informed me that she was worried because they had her mouse out there and she did not want it hurt.  I told her to get it and put it back.  

Done.

It was not until dinner time that Sarah came to me and expressed concern about the gray mouse.  Apparently he fell off the trampoline?  There was concern over a broken leg.  I did not hear the whole story completely because by this time Tony is mad at Sarah for coming to us and Tommy and I realize we've got a problem on our hands.  The hubby retrieved the gray mouse from the hut and the poor guy was just laying there.  He was alive but not being the funny, cute and sweet little mouse he usually is.

Yes.  

He's cute and sweet.

Even if he smells.

Since we could not determine if anything was broken we did not kill him out of mercy.  We were just unsure of the situation.  The hubby was going to have our son kill it so that he could understand that you have to protect the little creatures...and if they are suffering you put them out of their misery.

But we did not do that.

This morning before school we discovered Rocky buried underneath the bedding...dead.  Apparently he was on his way out last night.  

I see my kids at this age where stupidity is in every equation.  They look forward to reactions from their actions but for whatever reason they cannot comprehend the danger, hurt, or anger they may get as their reaction to their action.

Know what I mean?

So...now there are two.

Apostrophe

Today has been an uneventful day.  I made breakfast for the kids and made my oldest very angry.  You see, she can sleep in, but I am making her get up at the same time as everybody else. 

6:30am
This way we can all eat breakfast together.

If she does not get out of bed tomorrow morning she is getting the squirt bottle.  The two younger children know the squirt bottle.  That is why they get up when their alarm clocks go off.  They also know that once mom says to get up...they better get up.

Maria will learn.

Tonight I am making BBQ crockpot chicken with chipotle mashed potatoes and green beans & bisquits.  Does it sound southern enough?  I know that BBQ sauce is not good for you, especially BBQ sauce mixed with soda, but you know what?  I really am craving it. 

And since I make the dinner.
:)

I am getting very aggitated at my computer.  I am not sure if it is MySpace or if it is my computer.  Sometimes I am unable to use apostrophes.  Every time I want to use one I have a bar pop up on the bottom of my screen that for quick find links.  What?

So...what kinda day are you having?

Confiscated.

I have three kids who are getting ready to each have a birthday over the next 60 days.  I will have an 11, 12 & 13 year old by the first week of March. 

I am elated.

hahahahahaha!

Any ways, I have found that the amount of forgetfulness has tripled in each child at the age of 11.  That means that my youngest is getting ready to roll over into a state of disability.

I call it a disability because suddenly they can no longer remember anything (dementia), can no longer hear (deafness) and are in a perpetual state of being dumb in general.  It must be some sort of disability and I feel that I should, in fact, get some sort of emotional and mental aid as I go through raising them over the next few years.

I'm just sayin.

So their inability to remember things has caused my home to look as though a tornado is a constant occurrence.  The kids leave their stuff EVERYWHERE.  Over the past several months I would gather all of their things that were left scattered around the house and heap it into a pile in the middle of the floor.  I had a big reason for doing this...it would cause my husband to yell at them.  For whatever reason he could not see that it was THEIR STUFF that was causing the house to look so messy...but when you put it all into one central location, forcing him to walk over it every time he walks through the house...

Needless to say my plan worked.

The hubby realized the kids left their stuff everywhere.

After some thinking on his part he devised a plan to hopefully encourage the kids to NOT leave their stuff lying around the house. 

It started Christmas.

We now confiscate things.
Yep. 
It's ours.

If you leave it somewhere it does not belong then it becomes ours.  If you would like that item returned to you then that will require some special chore work on your part.  Chores that used to be paid for will not be paid for by returning your items.

We have been taking these items, as we see them, and tossing them into our closet.  I pulled the remaining items out today to organize them so the kids are aware.

My oldest two were pretty fast at getting their new pairs of shoes back.  Things that they did?  Cleaning out the cars, picking up poo....you know...really FUN JOBS.

One of the things that I have caught them saying is...

"Oh well...I don't need that...I have another pair of shoes."

I told the hubby last night that we need to now create a time frame of confiscation.  If the item is not paid for within two weeks said items will be thrown away, given away, or sold.  All proceeds will be given back to mom and dad and when EVER you want that item again you will pay for it out of your own pocket.

Harsh?

I don't think so.
I am having the hubby set up my blogging website hopefully tonight.  This is so that I might be able to make blogging somewhat of a business and bring in some enjoyable income.  I will create a page just for my kids...and send them the link.  Every time an item is confiscated a picture of it will be posted on my page and dated.  They can check out the link daily to find out what is now missing.

Once I get the page up you can enjoy watching their reactions.  Maybe I will have a board set up so that they can talk to me about their item.

Yeah, I think that could be pretty entertaining.

On a sad note...

I just took out my son's confiscated jacket and blanket out of the washing machine (they smelled really bad) and discovered his i-pod.  Oh man...another one washed.  I just washed my daughters two weeks ago. 

:(