Me & the Family

Me & the Family

Monday, February 8, 2010

Trust.


I can trust you and you trust me Pictures, Images and Photos

It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were on vacation.  My parents owned a week timeshare in Ocean City, MD and every year we tried to go there for a little relaxation.  It wasn't the Marriott but it was our slice of heaven.  The cold temperatures outside never could keep me out of the hot tub, in fact...it made it seem that much warmer.

My husband and I were sitting in the hot tub and he was kissing on my neck.  As I closed my eyes at what I'm sure he felt was a response, inside I was pleading with God.  "Father, please help me to fall in love with my husband again.  Help me to make him feel that I love him."  

It is a sobering moment when you realize you have fallen out of love with someone that you adore.  I had been married less than three years and our 2nd child was around 6 months old.  I always blamed my feelings on postpartum depression and a fear that it was only a matter of time that he'd find himself someone new.  

Good things don't last

*****



TRUST.

As we all know, trust is the basis for any relationship we have in life.  If we do not trust someone it is obvious that the relationship will not grow.  

In fact, it will crumble.

I am currently going to a marriage class.  It is actually supposed to be a class that my husband and I are both taking, but due to the new job and an insane amount of hours, it is one that only I am participating in.  

His Needs/Her Needs

If you are married and willing to go to this class with your spouse you should. I speak very highly of it.  I have watched over the past several weeks as some relationships that were on the brink of divorce completely shift.  Those marriages that were already good are getting even better.  Who doesn't want a better marriage?




If you want more information about the class, let me know!

Any ways, even though I am pretty much on my own in this 8-week class I am learning a lot about myself.  Considering that I have put myself on the back burner for the past 13 years this is a good thing.  I went from a 20 year old living at home to a married woman with 2 kids, a dog and a husband to take care of.  I worked over 40 hours a week in an attempt to keep the bills paid.

I am just now remembering who Jane is.
Yes.
Somewhere beneath all the responsibility
and layers of titles:

Wife.
Mom.
Daughter.
Sister.
Friend.

There is a woman within.

A large part of what I learned last week was about trust.  It is an aspect that I never realized was such an issue in me.  You see, we were young.  My husband was also 20 years old at the time.  We were supposed to have fun for a good 5 years before we started having kids.  Little did we know we would conceive on our wedding night.  

I had to instantly grow up.  

My husband was still a kid.  Still hanging out with his buddies playing video games.  Neither of us had a degree but I had a really good job with a really good company.  He, on the other hand, did not.  He went from job to job: lifeguard, Blockbuster, Subway...  Although he always worked he never stayed anywhere long enough to be moved up the ladder.  Not all of it was his fault, he had some serious brick walls along the way.

Along the way I lost hope and trust in my husband to provide for his family.  I was extremely frustrated and decided that I should just realize that I would be the main provider forever and to deal with it.

Suck it up.
Put your big girl panties on.

Big girl panties Pictures, Images and Photos

It was at that point that I started deducted money from my love bank.  You see, the class talks about each of us having a love bank. When my husband tells me I'm beautiful or does something that pleases me... *cha-ching* money goes in the love bank.  On the other hand when my husband does something that heknows irritates me, money comes out.

I now realize that when I fell out of love was when my bank had been depleted.  All that money from the dating months was gone.  I was sick and tired of working, getting kids from daycare, doing all the laundry, making all the dinner.  I had had enough!  

And so...
I fell out of love.

I believe it was while we were in that hot tub that it dawned on me that he never did anything "wrong" to me.  In fact, he was showing me right then and there just how much he loved me.  

My hubby absolutely HATES hot tubs.
Seriously.  
Hates.

He was there, with my PARENTS, to spend time with me. Telling me that he loved me.  Adoring me.  In the end all of those fears of him finding another hot piece of ass were just non-sense.  He loved me completely.

My lack of faith in my husband and lack of trust led me to that place.  I was able to pray myself into love again with him again and I made a promise to myself to never let that happen again.  I have not forgotten that moment and I let that be a lesson learned only once.  

*****

Over the past several weeks, since leaving my job, I have completely given the responsibility of providing for our family over to him.  I feel bad, as he comes home from work exhausted.  I know that it is a serious burden.  Even though he has been pulling his weight financially for years I never gave up that one thought:

"I would be the main provider forever and to deal with it."

This class, though I did not expect it to, has really opened my eyes to the feelings that I harbored.  That thought is now history.  He is the provider.  He is the man. I should never have stripped him of that title.  He never even realized that I had.  

Now that it is gone...

I truly see my Prince Charming walking into the door every night after work.  I always love him but I feel so much more adoration for the man that I never expected to feel.

trust,1 corinthians

trust him.
To take care of me.
Provide for me.
Love me.

It is a true and intricate part of love.
One that I had been missing all these years.

I also learned something about a being a woman.  It is okay to be taken care of.  It does not show weakness.  

"We had met as equals, rarely a good thing in such matters, for the woman who wishes to be the equal of a man usually turns out to be less than a man and less than a woman.  A woman is herself, which is something altogether different than a man." 
~Louis L'Amour

Isn't it funny that so far down the road my mindset can change?  The way that I even look at my husband could change? 

*****

Do you have any hidden trust issues with someone that you love?


Do you think that these issues could destroy your relationship?


How is YOUR love bank doing? 

1 comment:

Mommy Bear said...

This is an amazing and uplifting post! I enjoyed reading it. I love the "love bank." I have never thought about it that way. My love bank is doing great right now and I'm sure your advice will definitely help in the future. Thanks!