What if I could do it all over again?
Would it make a difference?
My thoughts bring me back to the beginning. The beginning of all the mistakes and wrong thinking and poor decisions. I take a glance at all the things that were around me that made me choose those things. I looked at my "mentors." If somehow someone had entered my life and affected me to the core, I would not have started drinking and partying - and I would have valued myself because I could have seen myself through God's eyes, and not my own.
My self worth would have been known.
I would not have lost my virginity.
I would have gotten better grades in school.
I would have attended college.
I would have waited for God to bring that special someone.
I sit down now. A wave of what-if's gives to a wave of nausea. It's quite possible that if I change just the first part of my life story and do it all over again that I will miss out on the most intricate part of my life story.
which translates to this...
He knew my future before I ever experienced my past. He knew I was going to make those choices and who would not step-up to mentor me in a good way. He knew that I would be easily deceived and that in due time I would cry out for him! He knew that my experience would help him to save many.
You see, even though it was a broken road
It was also blessed with God's mercy and miracles.
My husband at the age of 20.
I cannot imagine my life without all of those things, and my experience made them happen. I no longer carry guilt or resentment for my past - because my faith has healed me. I have to take those experiences and find God's purpose in my life.
I cannot continue to look back into my past and want to change it. Instead I need to look into the NOW which will lead to my future - and help those that have had MY EXPERIENCE and help others have an easier road. My job now is to LOVE and to FORGIVE.
Would you change yours???