I just took a few minutes to look back at last year. I love that I blog because it jogs the memory banks to my fears, thoughts, resolutions and revelations. What I found is someone that, even then, was dealing with depression.
I have not reached a point that I am willing to take my non-insured butt to the doctor to get anti-depressants but it is truly evident even in reading what I wrote that I was depressed.
It was a hard year...2009.
Not only financially but physically and emotionally.
We got acclimated to being a family of 5, raising our puppy, accepting that my sister has cancer and learning that Maria's mom's ways. Tommy had his knee surgery and I left my job. I have gone from dealing with depression to feeling like the biggest piece of crap to realizing that every day is what I make of it.
God is here.
He forgives us for our imperfections.
He loves us.
He will not abandon us.
Life is hard.
I have so much compassion for our friends who lost their son and for others that have the same heart ache. Even in all the despair and trials that I have experienced in the past couple of years it does not compare to theirs. Earth is a place of pain and suffering...and there are good moments and ones that we love, but life is hard.
I usually stop and take a look at the year before and decide what to do about the future. 2009 was hard as I suspected it would be...harder then I could have imagined. In this hard year though I had a lot of joy! I was able to see my sisters and their family TWICE! I went on vacation with my husband's family!
There was a lot of joy.
As I look at the future of 2010...I know that there are going to be many trials. It's not going to be a perfect year. It's going to have pain and suffering. BUT...
there are going to be spectacular moments!
Moments of joy.
Moments of healing.
Moments of remembering.
My kids are getting ready to have their 3 months of birthdays and I am on the brink of 11, 12 & 13. Although scary to have my kids really gearing up for the teenage years it's also exciting for them in their lives. :)
I believe that this year will be a pivotal year in my husband's career and will mark our future out. It may be tough financially for a wee bit longer, but I see a break in the storm clouds and that is something awesome to look forward to!
I see that as we change some schedules around this year that my ability to be involved in our life group will be life changing for me. I need them! Not to mention morning breakfast with my neighbor once a week! I cannot wait to be able to initiate that!
The hubby and I are getting ready to take a class at church that is very enriching for our marriage and I am super excited about that! I believe that we have a good marriage but I think the key to a good marriage is always working on a good marriage. :) It will be an adventure to share that kind of information with others as we grow but everyone who took the class before us said it was AWESOME!
My sister-n-law gets married in February and is getting ready to begin her marriage journey. After 13 years I realized that Tommy and I are the old guys on the block...and I try to remind my brothers and sisters in laws that marriage is not easy, especially that first year. It's a year of loving one another for certain! But it is also a year of learning how to communicate and learning each others roles in the marriage.
We all know how hard that is. :)
Well, I am rambling.
I guess what I am trying to say is this...
2010 is a year of struggles.
2010 is a year of joy.
2010 is filled with memories.
It's a year to be looked forward to and a year to be lived! God will be with me throughout this year and no matter what...that is what I put all my stock in.